Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Peace- to be free from war, strife, commotion, disorder, violence and the list goes on.

We all want peace. Peace in our world, community, family and life. It is so easy to be caught up by anxiety, distrust, fear and the unknown that peace is hard to accept.

But what I feel the need to remind those around me, is that God has given us peace.We don't have to earn it. Its been given. We just have to accept it. I don't feel like a vision quest, or fasting or other hyper spiritual activity is required of us. Just like God has given us love, grace, forgiveness, compassion and that list goes on, we as a culture need to learn to accept the peace that is without limits or boundaries given to us through Christ.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

So why do we make it so complex. Living in disorder and chaos, that even in the chopped of seas God still calms the waves.

Ironically enough this was the story I read to Princess tonight in our devotions. We talked about how God is bigger than scary things. And its not our job to calm the storms alone. My beautiful daughter has such a heart to care for others. She loves taking Ducky his ice packs, and is an eager helper for other things. I love her! She has been busy today. She is hilarious at times at other times exhausting. She loves ALL OF my ATTENTION. Which is hard, because so do so many other things.

I have learned over the last few months about what is important. Its her, oh messy house will wait. Bags will get unpacked, Bills, umm will kind of get paid? at least stacked neatly. Dishes will be done, and no shame in a paper plate. Meals will appear, which tonight's was delicious~! But this little girl, and her daddy, well they mean the world to me. Even whey they are cranky messy inconsiderate or all decide to come into the same half bathroom when all I want is three minutes of quiet to pee. ( True story, smallest spot in the house, both of them and the dog, some how end up in there if I am not fast enough!) Ha. Motherhood.

We have no guaranty of tomorrow. None of us do. We can't worry about cancer re-growth, or the what ifs. We have to accept the peace of God, and move forward in the confidence that we are not in control. So we do.

Our Oncologist that is local, pretty much loves what ever the tumor center wants to do. For now we wait for Joel's MRI in June, then maybe we will do chemo, maybe not. I am not at resistant to chemo. What I hate about it is that it could continue for as long as two years. Low dose, once a month, 4 -6 days at a time. But we will figure it out, and deal with it, if this is what we come to.  But the Dr truly was pleased , about the amount of tumor that was removed. Friends the amount is SUBSTANTIAL that was removed, the largest portion was 2.5x3.5x1.5 cm but there were several portions this large. I am so thankful we chose the second surgery. Honestly I miss the tumor center waiting room. I won't lie. Its horrifically comforting to not be the only young couple in the waiting room. Its not so lonely.

PT went well for Joel today. My bro drove him, as Princess was really needing mommy. I am so thankful to have him as a help, and support. OT will start this week as well. Joel was pleased to play guitar the other day- I figured I should brag a bit. I am quite proud.

We drop steroid doses once again in the morning. He will be off by the weekend!! Maybe this means more sleep all around?

Sorry if this is scattered, Our evening routine was a bit more normal. I made some headway getting organized, and since I am such a nester, this also brings peace. As does setting up my crockpot with oatmeal for breakfast...

Praying tonight for each of you. Praying peace would surround you, as you learn to let the walls down and stop fighting it. We have chosen to live with this, as we would be a mess right now without the ability to have our heart. We dream with peace, and hope for our future days and years and decades ahead. I dream of being old and using the silly handicap parking pass with out old people glaring. HA. Seriously.

Keep our daughter in our prayers, as we re-adjust. Joel tires easier than he admits, and it is hard on her and I both, as well as him.

Thank you for listening to my silly ramblings and praying along side of us.

Oh here are pictures of my crockpot! It makes me happy! I love my crockpots!!!!! And the others are the beautiful flowers our little miss greeted us with at the airport.. I was crying to hard to take a picture. I will be honest... I missed her and was so relieved to be walking with Joel by my side.


Dawn said...

That was a beautiful post & so clearly describes what I would wish to convey about peace, to people who worry about my health issues. God has a beautiful plan for each of us. We can rest in it. -Dawn W.

uncle marky said...

i am so happy to live in this moment right now with you guys. life is beautiful and precious and i am grateful (it's late, and i'm abstract as usual but you get the idea sis).
uncle marky