Saturday, April 7, 2012

72 hours ago...

72 hours ago my husband was leaving a surgery that will forever change our life.

I can't say I have any idea how much, but I do know it will not be the same course it would have been had we not been able to come here.

This is a great hospital. The nurses understand crani patients so well, as there are many others on the floor at the same time with my hubby.

Well that all aside, we are literally three days out, this is when we see the true peak of swelling. Joels entire face is very swollen this evening. His head started pulsating and he began to twitch. All signs that we are hitting the top of this mountain of swelling and heading straight into a seizure.

I voiced concerns, as did Joel- and our nurse the same one we had last night was all over it. She rocked. Thank you Carmina. Literally within 5 minutes a neurosurgeon was at our bedside and had ordered medications.

So far seizure has been diverted. Joel has his head surrounded by ice, his heart rate has come back down to a healthy number and he is resting- I am not sure that I will rest a whole lot tonight. To be entirely honest I may have brought my own pulse oximeter from home, and I may have placed it on his finger so that I could watch his heart rate. Yep I am the family member we all dread...

I know I am not the only one who would ever do such a thing~ nor would I go purchase throat spray for myself... (yep still fighting that virus) and maybe share it with my sweet hubby.. hey its the same med, but he only has the throat lozenges.. this helps him more.. nope.. never I am not that rebellious.

Between when I started this and now, Joel woke up, stated he could see clearer again, brushed teeth, talked and we looked at pictures of Princess dying eggs at home. I asked her to make a special purple one just for me! She was quite proud. I love our conversations on the phone together. She makes me smile.

There are moments where I become sad because I am missing on times with her, or that I wish I could be there to comfort her as she has had a fever. But that is selfish on some levels. As Princess is getting the routine and consistency she needs so I can focus my energy onto Joel. I am so thankful I am able to.  And because Joel is taking up so much of my time, that she is not missing out on the important things. Its such a relief that I can never thank my parents for enough.

Cancer. It was in none of our plans. Honestly who does?. Never do you think that your spouse yet alone anyone you know will have cancer before they are even thirty. But I do have to say I smile every time I kiss Joel's head, because I know that there is a whole lot less cancer hanging out in there. It felt like an intruder, a stalker, and invasion of our privacy. I dunno, it almost seems like this giant tumor was watching us, and invading our life. I don't know how to fully describe it other than that. Its like you are being followed, and you can't see anyone, but you knew you where. Or a dirty little secret hiding.. Oh cancer. I hate you.

But in this God as been faithful. He has provided. Generosity and compassion have surrounded us. Love has carried us from all of our parts of life. Joel's heart has changed. No longer is he cynical and at times down right angry (who knows how much was that stinking tumor) But he has become kinder and more compassionate. Our marriage has been strengthened 10 fold. The definition of love, has evolved into things I never thought I would do for my spouse.

 I have become braver then ever, and more patient then ever-- as Joel is suffering with a brain injury. But the patience and strength has come from God alone. Me, I melt. This season is quite exhausting. But some how at four in the morning I can still muster up the strength to put Joel on the commode. Believe me. It takes a lot of strength. This is not my desire while sleeping. In all reality Joel is getting stronger hour by hour, but the left side is seriously weak still. He is unable to move his fingers individually yet. The firing is there, I can see the muscles pull ever so slightly at times. He is almost consistently able squeeze his hand, but not yet release it consistently. His arm/shoulder are also weak. His leg is about 70% but the coordination will take time. When he smiles, only his right side moves, unless he thinks about it, then both sides do.

Oh that aside. I am thankful I have my hubby. It will all take time, and once the swelling subsides we will know more next.

To say the lease we will be in the hospital tomorrow. PT is supposed to see him. Be praying this happens.

Also pray for no more seizure activity and the swelling to drop immediately. In this believe for complete and total healing- of which we expect... but I seem to not be patient with this component. I want him better now. I wanna not deal with wheel chairs and walkers. I wanna go for a walk with my spouse, not have my spouse be walked by me.

Keep praying.

Thank you for your love, support and prayers.


Sherrie said...

Oh have become the strong woman I always knew you were...just like your mama. So proud of you. I'm glad you are staying where you are as help is so very close. Praying for you today as we celebrate Easter. (<: Love you!

BruceRonda said...

Joel and family: I spoke to Pastor Gary about what you are dealing with after service this morning. He sends his blessings and prayers. All of the Eugene ODOT crew keeps your blog close at hand and some pray daily for your recovery. As Jesus rose from the dead on Easter Sunday, I believe Joel will arise with a new brain, one that works perfectly and is a reflection of His love for Joel. We love you guys and will continue to intervene with prayers on your behalf.