Monday, December 3, 2012

Processing and Holidays...

I haven't updated for awhile, In part do to the fact that there isn't a whole lot going on, but actually quite alot going on at the same time. We had a fun thanksgiving with both of my siblings and their wives and my wonderful nephews! It was a fun time with friends and extended family.

Hayley is continuing her weekly chemo, and is about to start her infusions as we speak. Her body is responding well to the cocktail of poisons running through her system. We are thankful for this, but its a challenge all around for her and my brother and nephews. Continue to lift Aaron and Hayley up in prayers.


Joel is continuing to work 3 days a week, fatigue is playing a huge role in his brain re-adjusting to this new normal. We are both so thankful for this last scan to have been so positive, but in all reality its also a bit hard to swallow that scans every few months are now our new normal.

I miss normal. Oh dear God, I do. I recently have had a few friends ask questions about how I was really doing in this... Well I don't know. I am thankful I have my spouse along side me, but at the same time nothing will ever be the same. Good or bad!  I miss our old life on so many levels, a carefree sense of expectancy in growing old together and even better the ability to embrace dreams without fears.

There are days when we are frustrated or even angry. As long as these aren't on the same days, we work through it all ok. I can't say its with amazing finesse, but purely with the grace of God do I function with patience on our hardest days. Joel has had to learn ways to cope with his own frustrations, and this is indeed a work in process. I am so thankful for the friends and family around us that really do have so much grace and understanding. For those that haven't been understanding, its saddening. Joel is learning so much every day, but in some ways its hard to grasp that this is real, things have changed and will never be the same. We both see counsellors on a regular basis, this has helped me have a sounding board, and Joel to process. Joel initially was having a hard time processing emotions but now this is improving greatly. We are super thankful our insurance finally approved some extra testing and therapy for Joel!

Our little girl is doing well. I am amazed at how resilient she truly is. Her sense of joy and adventure in life warms every part of my heart. She is both a miracle and a blessing. I thank God daily for her. I can't say it enough how thankful I am.

Me? I am doing pretty well. Right now I am fighting off a bug, Pray this is short lived and doesn't touch my lungs. The joy of working in a hospital.... But I need to be able to work. We depend greatly on this.

As we are getting ready for Christmas this year, its a bit bitter-sweet  Last year we were so naive to the path that this year has laid for us, its painful in some levels for I yearn for that feeling once again.

Continuing to be thankful for the love and strength that has surrounded us this year. Please continue to pray, pray for healing of Joel, pray for peace on our rough days, and joy when it seems hard.

Thank you.