Thursday, May 31, 2012


We have been keeping busy ! This beautiful weather is the best! Our vegi garden is coming along! Can hardly wait! The yard looks like its ready for fun and Joel mowed! Yup life is a bit more umm normal.. Minus Joel not yet at work... Believe me I am keeping him busy!

Joel is starting to feel a bit more normal... Wanting to do more everyday with a deep motivation to succeed.. It's nice to see this back.

We will have a birthday girl in June so plans are rolling. She loves birthdays! Any reason to party is her love! She gets so excited! Plus she is cute!

Be praying for specifically wisdom and provision for Joel to return to work. Continued healing and motivation.... And healing and no growth as we advance into our next scan... June 6

Also pray for rest for me, as I am too much of a night owl lately!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Back at work

This was my first weekend back working! We survived! I think I remember my job... And did not seem to screw up too badly. At least no one told me that I did. I am tired though. It was a long 12 hour day!

We are snuggling tonight... My little girl is in good spirits! We are thankful for living so close to my parents and being in town. It's eased several burdens.

My coworkers are so fun! They help time pass, and something I have to do feels like something I kinda want to do.. They are positive and caring. Its nice to be home.

Will post more later but tonight I sleep. Here is a picture of our bed... Note our headboard... We started this project the day before Joel went into the hospital.. It's sat in our spare room for five months. We finished it Friday. I felt like ok. It's finished... This is a new season let's get strong and carry on.

Much love and thanks for the prayers and love. This weekend was hard, but hey I have endured worse... Ha

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Yesterday I did forget to post a few pictures! We were tired of being at home and decided it was time to get out! Bowling, and sweet life followed! It was the first time we have bowled with a kid it was fun!

Also here is a picture of daddy dancing with his little princess the other night!

Other news, my dad is home and healing slowly! I forgot to post this on the blog before... Continue Praying for him!

Today we finished a project we started January 22 the day before our life changed.. Will post photos of that later!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The c word.

To be honest.. We have been a bit off our kibble the last couple weeks. The basic reality of what our life is, me mourning what was, has all been a bit to digest.. yet I find myself rejoicing and praying/begging for days, years and decades to come. I would like fifty years together please.

The harsh reality is we don't know. We pray, push and live, for only God knows our days.

In your twenties it's easy to feel nearly invincible. Your future seems limitless as you enter marriage, parenthood, home ownership ect... But soon realities of frustrations, tears, struggles, and foreclosure, enter life. It is hard but it still seems possible.

Then enters cancer.

Invincibility gone. Possibilities on some days seem impossible. More tears shed, frustration and anger. Parenthood is challenging beyond belief. Marriage is changed as our new roles emerge. Nights become long.

We can't live in this. For our days are numbered. All of our days are. No one is immune. So we let go. Control of our lives seems to be nothing but an illusion that never was.

Faith moves in. Morning comes. Smiles, laughter, joy and kisses begin to fill the moments. I force myself to do the things that need to be done. Anger becomes better understood as we understand this new brain. Patience, peace and promise remain where anxiety tends to creep in. We have no choice but to look forward. Living in each moment. Making the most of this gift of time and life.

It is far from perfect. I still have moments where the grass is greener on the other side, before cancer. The normal moments I used to take for granted. The ability to dream open dreams without harsh realities of the nasty c word lingering in our minds.

It's hard to watch people, for I long for how simple it once was. It's hard to hear others complain and not want to whine, or slap them, for what is so big to them, yes I know it's big to them, yet it seems small comparatively. I would love to be dealing with normal things. Cancer sucks.

Honestly, not complaining but even the best intentioned have opened their mouths and been a hurdle for us in this journey.

I do ask this. Do not give advice unless you have worn these shoes. Do not judge. Do not give pity. (personal pet peeve, has been for years)

Do have grace as we are changed. Do be patient as we learn. (Joel is getting to know who he is again.) Do be positive and genuine. (this is a requirement) Do love your loved ones, like you don't know your days. (which you don't) and do please continue to pray.

We know with God all things are possible. We trust in Him.

Thank you for continuing to be on this journey with us.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Kilts jumping and oh my!

This weekend the local Scottish festival gave Joel the opportunity to sport his birthday present! A kilt! He was very proud and handsome!

The festival even had a bounce house!!

My dad is doing better. We hope he will be sent home soon! Keep praying for papa!

This is my last week before returning to work! I am ready to make money... But not sure if I am ready... But ready or not here I come! I guess...

Be praying over this transition back to normal... It will take time and lots of patience!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Busy days!

My dad remains in the hospital on antibiotics. It's been a long week for him and my mom.

Princess knows and has visited her papa.. We have had a few more meltdowns.. It's hard to understand when you aren't even four.

Joel is doing well.. Working on regaining muscles.. As he lost a lot of mass..

I am working hard... Mowing lawns house work and being a wife, mom and daughter....

Joel drove! He gets tired quickly so most drives are short...but this is fwd step to regaining life.

A few pictures from this week.. Princess helped with yard work today at my parents!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Prayers for my daddy.

Be praying for my dad. He was hospitalized last night due to an infection requiring iv antibiotics.

So if you see me at work... That's why!

We are keeping it quiet around our daughter to protect her. She adores her papa and this would really create panic...

Otherwise we are doing ok... Garden planted... Started at least and Joel helped some which was nice!

Pray for rapid healing for my dad!

Thank you.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy mothers day!!

Today started with a breakfast in bed! Yup for me!! Joel brought waffles he made... Upstairs!! So proud! Each holiday and special moment are just that much more amazing. In January I had no idea if we would have these moments... I felt like every normal joy was potentially gone..

But it's not. These moments are just deeper and richer than I imagined!

Waffles snuggles and presents!! Joel snuck away with my bro yesterday and got me a few treats! He knows me well!! I love him and my daughter so much! He is doing so well...

The rest of the day was spent with my family! My mom.. I can't say enough.. She is amazing. I don't know how I could walk this journey with out her! Happy mothers day mama!

This week will be busy again! Joel has appointments, I need to make others, pay bills, organize, garden, clean and get things better organized as I am only two weeks out from returning to work...

So be Praying.. Against pain for Joel... His shoulders are sore, this effects him on so many levels... The therapy helps but is challenging when you are painful.. Also pray for me as allergies/ asthma are not doing me any favors!

Princess is doing well! She is so smart and such a joy! Always laughing and making me smile. She is such a miracle and gift. To be called mama from such an amazing daughter makes this day amazing! She is a dream come true! I truly tear up with thanksgiving over the miracle of her. God blessed us richly. After a season of infertility, tears, bed rest, stress and grace all add up to the power of God entrusting us with a miracle that calls me mom.

This day is special. This day was once a dream. God is faithful. He was then and he is today.... I know he won't let us go...

A few pictures from today.. Pardon my messy bed hair.. Ha! I love the picture of my mom with my girl! It's very sweet! She adores mum mum!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Things learned and continue to learn..

This journey has been anything but easy. I am learning that even on my worst days, I have no choice but to give it my best. Yes, parenting and wifeyness in this can be exhausting and rewarding... But isn't anything worth fighting for?

I remember several things.. In order to fully love my neighbor.. My husband and daughter included.. I must love myself. Happy days and sads day I go forward in peace knowing that I may not always have some one physically fighting along side me... I am never alone. My God continues to go before be, behind me and with me... Whether I am navigating a stubborn someone or parenting in a different season. Nope not alone.... Plus I am getting back more my hubby at times. Very thankful.

Do continue to pray for Joel as today he became quite painful.. He does not always recognize pain until he is really painful. It's hard to see as I am not a mind reader... I am leaning in this though. Also be praying for me.. As pollen and asthma seem to hate me... And pray for another family member who is at the core of my support, now fighting an infection...

Here are a few quotes that I truly adore... Plus they are pretty thanks pintrest!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Cup of Tea

We have been busy. Today, was no exception. . Occupational therapy is great cause they help us see what I need to make Joel do and not myself do! My own mild traumatic brain injury is a challenge at times.. Still... Add in Joel, and we are easily distracted.... A little unfocused... Occasionally loose track of time And well all around funny!

The pollen is very high these days.. I am struggling to stop coughing, and Joel has sinus pain .. Yep we are a fine pair!

Princess has been busy too... Yesterday was a girl day.. Elmo live, her first pedicure with auntie e... A lunch out and other fun! She was worn out!! But had a blast!

We realize with each therapy appointment we have a ways to go... We are concerned about focus, I see this issue more than him, no shock! This is important as Joel is soon cleared to drive short distances!

Be praying for healing, specifically focus and energy! Also pray for me as I am really fighting this silly asthma...

We are having a garage sale, planting a garden, setting up Joels corner and attempting to focus on daily life this weekend! Thankful for very little appointments planned! I need a driving break! I miss my chauffeur!

On a silly note... Joel finally found a tea cup that fits!

Monday, May 7, 2012

A nice adventure

Thanks to all the Marriott points we have a few free nights! Thanks to Joel needing a quiet corner to study and read I have a valid excuse to travel to Ikea.. This store had a corner table perfect and at the most reasonable price..

So we stayed the night.. Had some fun... Princess and her daddy are both water lovers.. It was fun to watch them together! We had lots of fun playing splash and swimming!

Tomorrow is a busy day.. Physical therapy, chiropractor, preschool, housework and well life.

Continue to pray for healing in Joel's shoulders and back! As we are determined to be better than before!

Sunday, May 6, 2012


The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
- John 10:10

Joel and I spend a lot of time talking... Mostly day to day important dealings.. We talk about what's next as we both need goals or we do nothing.. We dream, mostly about being together, traveling, having another baby, growing old so we can be like betty white.... Yep its very true.

In all honesty where the moments, of what used to be uncrushable dreams, there is an occasional moment of fear. Fear of what's next... When will they find a cure for a cancer that is considered incurable? Will I have the strength to cope if we do hit a bump? How about our daughter? What will our next scan show? The list could go on... This should not be... We are young, this we did not plan for... Nor did we dream of....

But just as I start to run with frustration.. I hear peace, I know my God still came so we can and will still have a full life. No matter what this means, as I have no idea what is being weaved in this season.. I trust it is a part of the beautiful abundance that is promised.

So continue to pray.. Pray for miraculous healing.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

The sun is out!

It's no surprise we love the sunshine!! We enjoyed time outside with our bubbles!

Joel is improving daily.. It's hard work sometimes.. He has realized that he really is weak.. We work hard.. I push him too.. We finally have a routine starting, this is great for us all!!

We really love this time together and time to heal. Your love and prayers continue to support us. Thank you can not be said enough!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Join us in prayers..

Yesterday through our family texting train- I heard news that hit us too close to home. My dear cousins 8 year old was diagnosed with a pituitary tumor and will be heading to UCSF shortly.

Here is there story. Be praying with us for Dawson and his family! We love them dearly and are believing for miraculous healing and recovery!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Pop goes the back...

Today we had a visit with the chiropractor! Yay! Joels shoulders looked better instantly! Woohoo! We plan on visiting often to help Joel! Along with pt stretches and some ot I look forward to getting Joel back in laundry folding/dish washing/ lawn mowing shape... Umm I mean fighting shape.

It's been almost a Month since Joel's surgery. We are thankful for the healing.. And expect this work to be finished.

We are doing well.. Emotionally this has been an exhausting road. We have had so many ups and downs I know this is part of our exhaustion. We laugh a lot and fight a little.. Ha! We have been together nearly constantly but we wouldn't change that a bit! We treasure the moments for we know this is a gift... The stressors in our life are few but ones that remain we do our best to avoid. Yep, great coping I know... You try and deal with this.

Princess is doing well.. But is not interested in listening to Ducky or letting him help. She wants mama.. This is hard for him. Exhausting me.

I have to be honest I miss my me time. I worked full time and Once a week when she was at preschool.. I had four hours alone. Heaven...I could clean shop or even one time I watched tv... Ok maybe twice Ha Seriously don't read into it other than I really liked some of our old routines! I like the new ones.. I am just learning how to squeeze me back into it !

We do want our life back. I want to pack Joel a lunch and let him drive to work. I miss washing work pants that may have poison oak... I miss knowing what day of the week it is from work not dr appointments... Yep I miss it.

Its the ordinary things that are now extraordinary moments to work towards. Thankful these seem to be reachable goals. I do mourn portions of what was.. Our lives will never be the same. We will be forever changed. This is hard.... This is sweet.. For I know the best days are yet to come.

We continue to dream. We plan... We pray and yep occasionally we cry... Usually that is me... Joel sometimes responds slowly emotionally.. I know this is tumor related... That is hard too.. But we don't live in fear. We love deeply, for only God knows what anybody's tomorrow brings...

We are thankful daily; For generous friends... For kind workplaces... For my selfless parents and brothers whom have been my right hand and sounding board for hard choices... For our beautiful miracle daughter who brings us remarkable joy...For our chance to fight this darn cancer... And for all who have prayed.

Please continue to pray as this battle is far from over.... We plan to fight till we are old and gray... And we blondes are old when we gray! Ha