Monday, January 23, 2012

One day at a time.

Today marks the start of an unplanned journey. Sure we all make plans, but it seems as though our plans have failed in the past. I guess I should not have been to surprised that plans to work hard and be healthy are slightly delayed.

Joel has been going to boot camp. We have all heard of the type. RUN SKIP PUSH UP and DO IT NOW. He loves it. He has found so much determination in getting healthy. Today after class, he felt as though he was having a panic attack. The medics were called, and ultimately he was brought into the ER. 

Me, well I was sleeping. Little did I know how much our life was about the change. While sitting with Joel in the ER and trying to calm what I initially thought was anxiety I quickly realized something was not right. And with in an hour of waiting in the ER Joel had a major seizure (the turn purple, bite your tongue and roll your eyes kind). Our doctor was so kind an quick to get Joel to CT, where a quick scan was done. I went along for the ride, and there I saw it. Quickly all be it... but I saw a tumor. 

The moments that followed involved me praying to God mostly that I was crazy and hallucinating. Then the doctor grabbed me, took me to his computer, and said a few bad but tasteful words as I looked that the gosh, dong it screen. There it was. A tumor. Measuring 5x8cm. Tears welled up, the doctor hugged me. I go back into Joel, having to tell him over and over again. His memory was quite foggy from the seizure. We got mad, partially cause we were supposed to have a wonderful day off together... and take a princess to chucka cheese...  We cried, watched a little television, and cried more. We were thankful we had a wonderful day yesterday, working on projects around the house and watching movies with princess. 

Doctor visits, MRIs, friends, family and now the little dots with shaved on his head are painful reminders of what changes lie ahead. The tumor has to go. Surgery makes the tumor go. Yes and prayers. 

We don't know a ton about the tumor, except the actual mass is apx 3x3cm and the effected area is 5x8 cm. Its a very substantial sized tumor. Effecting the right Pre-Motor cortex. Yes there is some ventricle involvement, and yes there is a slight herniation occurring.Yes is has some vascular intervention. Is it cancer? We don't know until he gets in there. Most signs say no, some signs say yes. Does this suck? YEP are we still praying and holding onto faith. You bet.

Joel has had no symptoms that would scream "TUMOR IN BRAIN"  No headaches, NOTHING! Yep I am mad. 

Today is Monday. We need three days of steroids on board to reduce the edema in his brain surrounding the tumor. The surgery is well... brain surgery...  that about as scary as it gets. No way to soften that blow.

We are in ICU tonight. Mostly so he can be monitored, he is on seizure medication already, and praise God we have not had a seizure since this morning. 

His recovery will take time. The brain really gets quite annoyed when touched. We are planning a week plus here in the hospital. I am not sure if Joel knows this. As for me and my hyper-planning in life, don't worry I am still planning everything. Just most cause every other plan in our life is on hold. jobs, life, health, well everything. 

So for now we wait. We trust. We pray. We love. One day. One moment. Right now. 

I implore you-- please pray     For Strength. Wisdom. Guidance. Joy. Peace. Provision. 

We are so thankful for the love and compassion already. Its honestly quite overwhelming. 

Tonight I will sleep knowing that HIS joy will come in the morning. 

Please share my poorly written, emotional and exhausted blog with others. 



Zissou Intern said...

Thanks for sharing Jill. Hugs and prayers your way

Karen said...

We are all praying always for you Jill. Love you all <3

Moongirl said...

I will be here for you in my prayer stance. I have already shared my request with some of the best warriors I know and will share this with them too.

okanogangirl said...

Very touching writing. I came because Laura asked us to pray, and pray I will. {{hugs}} to you all, and prayers. Please Heavenly Father, touch his body, heal him. Give the surgeons wisdom and still hands. Give grace patience and strength to the family and wrap your loving arms around the little girl who is probably scared and confused as well.

Lisa said...

Jill and many prayers coming to you. Your strength is amazing, from Him. Proud of you, Joel is in the best of hands.

TeriLynn said...

Rob and I are praying!

Brooklyn's Mom said...

Many prayers coming your way Jilly. If you need ANYTHING call me.

Lori said...

Thoughts and prayers for you, Joel, Evey, and both of your families.

Lori in Canada (friend of your mother-in-law's)

Anonymous said...

Jill--I don't know you that well but i know you love your husband, daughter, family with all your heart. Hang on to that love. The journey will have many bends. Some that will bring laughs. Some that will bring fear. Many that will bring tears--good and bad. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anything those of us in Peds are at your service.......Becky

ipsquibibble said...

Well this is just out the clear blue sky, isn't it?

Of course you have my prayers, as well as my love and support in any way you need it. Seriously. Lory

Anonymous said...

Jill & Joel, I will hold a good thought for the surgery.The blog is a great idea. Your friend, Bruce

Lisa F said...

Jill, let me know how i can help...Kevin, Erik, Josh and I are praying. I understand the everyday chores that continue. Get my number from Shannon. Hugs

Jess Packnett said...

Dear Lord,
I pray that you would surround Jill, Joel, and their little princess with your love, your strength, you guidence as they walk through this valley of the unknown. Give them deep overwhelming peace and more of your love and comfort than they know what to do with. Thank you Father for this family.
In Your Name Amen